Receiving and “Paying it Forward”
It’s really important to be able to receive love and receive compassion. It is as important as being able to give it. ~
Pema Chodron
Hi and welcome to the newest edition of my “monthly” newsletter! I’ve put the word “monthly” in quotes because it has actually been 6 months since my last posting!
What can I say? I’ve had great intentions, but so many other things have gotten in the way. No excuses, just an explanation and now it is my intention to move forward. Actually, a friend just sent me a really interesting article about being “busy”, so I will offer you the link here:
http://radiantorganizing.com/
This is one of the key things that I work on as a Life Transitions Coach with my clients – time management and let’s not get stuck in the past – just use it to propel us in a different direction – forward!
As I ended my last posting, I was focused on bringing you a message on receiving. So, I would like to do that, and talk about how that often can contribute to a cycle of receiving and then “paying it forward” (giving).
Why is it that so many of us have trouble being on the receiving end of things? Many of us we have no problem giving to and caring for others, but then when it comes to be our turn, we feel uncomfortable and are often resistant to the idea of being the recipient. Even accepting a compliment can be a problem. How often do you react to a compliment by saying things like “…this old thing? I’ve had this forever”, or upon being acknowledged for doing something well, we flounder in accepting recognition or when offered a helping hand, we hesitate and feel uncomfortable about accepting it?
So, what would make it easier for us to receive, without feeling guilty, self-conscious or uncomfortable? Here are 3 suggestions for overcoming those feelings, and being able to offer a simple THANK YOU :
1) Recognize that you deserve it! A big factor here is that little issue of self-esteem! How you feel about yourself has a rather large impact on whether you feel worthy to receive that kind gesture or special attention. As a member of society, we have been so programmed to be humble, charitable and unselfish. But, does that mean total self-sacrifice? I think not. Feel good about someone reaching out to you and validating your presence…
2) Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment. You are actually helping them feel good about giving to you by graciously receiving their compliment, gift, assistance, attention or recognition. If you refuse their help, protest their kind words, or resist their attempts to give to you, those actions often result in that other person feeling rather helpless or discouraged. Doesn’t if feel good when you help someone, or volunteer for something, or give a heartfelt compliment? It often opens up that connection between us in unexpected ways. Letting someone else have this pleasure too empowers them and you – you both win…
And voila!
3) Understand that there is a cycle of giving and receiving happening between you and the outside world. That is what PAYING FORWARD is all about! Does that make it easier for you to accept help, a compliment an act of kindness or a gift? When someone does something for you, can you then do something nice for someone? You are on the receiving end one moment and on the giving one in the next. And all sorts of wondrous things can happen…
Look at this You-Tube video: The sequence of events here is a bit contrived, but it certainly gets across the point of this concept of RECEIVING AND PAYING IT FORWARD:
Also, in nature, there is a clear indication of how important it is for the giver and receiver to work together. There is, in fact, a delicate balance between them They complement one another. Look at the honey bee and the flower Without each other, they would not survive. The flower gives its nectar to the honey bee, and the honey bee, in turn, helps to pollinate the flower…
Here’s a POEM that says it all:
Giving and Receiving by Pujakins
The loving heart
gives without thought,
without stint of itself;
gives and is given in return.
And I am given that I may give,
and give that giving may be and continue.
All life is a giving and a receiving,
that the giving may have a purpose
and the receiving a place to be.
Unfolding the gifts means
unwrapping the giving
to discover the receiver
and by accepting
the receiver in turn gives
as the circle becomes complete.
With a full heart my giving is.
With an open heart, my receiving is.
The love that gives and receives
has endless supply and never lacks;
the love that gives without stint
receives the same and more,
and finds in the giving
and in the receiving
endless joy.
In addition, I came across this book that I would like to recommend to you:
BOOK RECOMMENDATION:
THE POWER OF RECEIVING by Amanda Owen
“And when giving and receiving are equal partners, you simply have a better chance of manifesting your goals”
This quote from the book reflects its theme of the delicate balance between giving and receiving. It is beautifully presented in this book. Although it addresses the role of women primarily as caregivers for everyone else in the world, it also focuses on men, and how this spirit of reciprocity between giving and receiving can benefit them as well in their quest to bring a greater balance in their lives.
You can order the book through this website. Let me know how you like it, and how it helps you to negotiate your way through this challenging partnership between being a giver AND a receiver. I love one of the phrases she uses: “compassion fatigue” . I teach and use the tools and skills of Emotional Intelligence a lot in my workshops, coaching sessions and webinars, and compassion is one of the things that I focus on. Our challenge is to both give it out and to receive it – in balance.
I hope that you have found this issue of my BOOM NEWSLETTER helpful and inspiring. If so, please click Like and pass it on to your friends. Let me know what you think – I’d love to hear from you!
Take care, Ingrid